America

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NotAllMen

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yesallwomen2.jpg

In May, the issue of misogyny rippled through the internet after the recent shooting at UCSB. A gunman, crippled with loneliness, killed six and injured thirteen people in Santa Barbara, California. In a series of videos, the gunman, Elliot Rodger, unleashed a tirade of self-deprecation and misogyny, wondering why women weren't attracted to him. This latest shooting has revealed the frighteningly hidden levels of misogyny buried in Americans. Rodger has gained sympathy points all over the country as if being rejection is enough justification to for him to start a “war on women.”

In Rodger’s last video, he spoke about his loneliness. “I’m 22 years old and I’m still a virgin…. It’s not fair. You girls have never been attracted to me. I don’t know why you girls aren’t attracted to me, but I will punish you all for it. It’s an injustice, a crime…. I’m the perfect guy and yet you throw yourselves at these obnoxious men instead of me, the supreme gentleman.”

His words are so saturated with self-obsessed narcissism and insanity, but men everywhere found solace in Rodger’s misogynistic explications, which in turn started the Twitter hashtag, #NotAllMen. People would use the hashtag to separate themselves from Rodger’s action, saying that not all men are misogynistic psychopaths, so it’s wrong to assume all men are like that. It was a fair point, but it was ignoring a significant portion of the population that is misogynistic, that do blame women for their loneliness. Not only does it undercut the idea of feminism by creating this impression that feminists are dedicated to the annihilation of men, but it gives men an excuse to shy away from the glaring problems that people like Rodger pose to the fight for gender equality.

The hashtag, #YesAllWomen, took Twitter by storm. Women everywhere shared their experiences dealing with misogyny. They tweeted about the constant hyperawareness of their actions in order to protect themselves, such as having pepper spray in hand as you walk to your car in a parking deck. There were tweets criticizing the patriarchal dismissal of women saying no, such as having to say that you have a boyfriend in order to stop a man from hitting on you.

A significant aspect of Rodger’s ignorance that speaks wonders about his twisted mindset is his view of women as one whole being. “You girls,” he repeatedly says, as if all the girls in the world conspired to give him a lifetime of loneliness. Perceiving women as all the same people with the same thoughts and same personalities will impact the way you interact with them. Rodger’s perception of love as the be-all-end-all is that a woman’s only purpose in life is to be attached to a man. The objectification of women puts that part of the population on a pedestal and if they fail to reach it, misogyny worsens.

It’s true that not all men are like Rodger. No one with a functioning mind would think that a psychopath speaks for men all over the world. Not all men are alike. But at the same time, we need to start assuming the same for women.

Photo Credit: Anita Finlay

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Fondue and the Future of Fil-Ams

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By Sherina Ong, guest contributor A few weeks ago, I was sitting in a Korean restaurant with my boyfriend’s family. As I eagerly waited for the bulgogi beef to finish searing on the grill in front of us, I glanced around at the six of us and suddenly noticed the rainbow of ethnic representation sitting there at our table. First, there was my boyfriend’s father, a Pilipino immigrant, seated next to his part French-Algerian and Nicaraguan wife. That interesting genetic combination produced my boyfriend and his brother; the two are no stranger to frequently selecting “Other” on box-checking race surveys. Then, there were the added on members of the already eclectic clan: his brother’s half white and half Korean girlfriend and my Pilipino-Chinese hybrid self.

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Even though I was struck by how exceptionally diverse our little family unit was, I don’t believe that having such an ethnic medley within one family will be atypical for very long.  Looking around that dinner table was like looking at the picture of the new America - a country filled with Wasians, Blasians, Blaxicans, and all sorts of mash ups that defy current racial and ethnic categories.  In the melting pot that is the United States, the color profile will no longer be black and white, but probably orange or something of the sort.

But if so many different cultures are slowly diluting into one big American fondue, what does that mean for the future of Fil-Ams? Even though I grew up with the abundant smells of adobo in my home kitchen and the sounds of TFC in my living room, I was born and raised in suburban Virginia. When I envision the daily life of my future family there is no Tagalog spoken in the house because I was never taught the language. My children might not call each other Kuya or Ate because I rarely used those names as an only child. Yes, I will try and learn to cook the occasional sinigang, but there will also be many Korean barbecue and taco nights.

Identity is anchored down by our everyday habits, the food we eat, the words we speak, and the choices we make based on the values we hold.  What will happen to my family’s identity if the customs my parents brought over from the Philippines trickle away generation after generation?

The reality is that the Pilipino traditions of my parents won’t stick around unchanged, especially in America. The nature of culture is dynamic. I do believe, however, that Fil-Ams are the agents of their own distinctive culture. We listen to the rhythms of both the Philippines and the United States and put our own idiosyncratic spin on them. It’s the culture that has both turkey and lumpia at Thanksgiving, and likes to mash hip-hop with Tinikling at college culture night performances. It’s the culture that endeavors to find its own voice by uniting passionate and conscientious members of the community through organizations like UniPro.

Twenty or fifty years from now, I can’t say in what different shapes the Fil-Am identity will take form, but I do know that we have the power to sculpt that identity here and now. I intend to educate myself more about the Philippines and weave the cherished traditions of my parents into my life in the United States.  That way, I can proudly pass on to the next generation a cultural palette in which both the flavors of America and the Philippines pop.

Photo credit: Joanne Tanap

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Sherina Ong is a 23-year-old trying to figure out how she is supposed to appropriately define herself in the limbo between college and hopefully attending graduate school. She has a BA in Anthropology from the College of William and Mary and is currently working as a substitute teacher in Charlottesville, VA. Her interests include education, Asian Pacific American issues, playing guitar, and singing very loudly.